When the relationship between parents turns into a battlefield, the child often pays the price.
Parental alienation, where one parent tries to turn the child away from the other parent through disparaging words, attitudes or behaviour, is raised more and more often in court. Whether father or mother, the parent who claims to be a victim must prove it, which is often complex and delicate. And if the facts are established, serious sanctions can be imposed on the alienating parent.
Our family law lawyers explain how to recognize parental alienation and how to protect yourself from it.
What is parental alienation?
In a divorce or separation, parents must adapt and show courage to limit the impact on the family. Unfortunately, some breakups are highly conflictual, and the consequences for children can be devastating.
Author Francine Cyr sets out the foundations of the concept of parental alienation, which the Superior Court adopted in Droit de la famille — 2176, 2021 QCCS 223 (CanLII). Some children caught in conflict between their parents choose to side with one parent rather than the other to limit their suffering. This alliance helps them stop feeling torn between their parents and eases the loyalty conflict they are in. However, it can lead the child to a strong, remorseless rejection of one parent, even if their relationship was normal and positive before the separation. In other words, parental alienation occurs when a child refuses to see a parent without a valid reason because the child has been influenced by the other parent.
This detachment is caused or made worse by the other parent’s behaviour. However, a loyalty conflict is not necessarily the same as parental alienation. It is important to tell the two concepts apart. In a loyalty conflict, the child feels torn between both parents and feels they must make a choice. In parental alienation, the child rejects the other parent, so the child is not – or is no longer – torn between both parents. The choice has been made and one parent is rejected, which leads to a breakdown of the relationship.
If you suspect that your child is in this situation, do not hesitate to contact our family lawyers. An action plan can be put in place to try to remedy the situation.
Ultimately, for there to be parental alienation, the consequences of the parent’s alienating behaviour must be observable in the child. For example, the child starts disparaging the parent on their own, and sometimes even the family circle of the parent they are distancing themselves from.
Example: Maxime, age 10, now refuses to see his mother during her access time. When asked why, he says that “Mom lies all the time” and that “she never wanted him.” Yet nothing concrete supports these statements, and Maxime previously had an affectionate relationship with his mother. His words seem copied from the disparaging things his father says about her, including in front of the child.
How can you spot alienating behaviour?
Parental alienation involves one parent adopting, more or less consciously, attitudes, words and behaviour aimed at discrediting the other parent, and using strategies to keep the child on their side.
Often, this involves one parent disparaging the other in front of the child, winning the child over with material things, forbidding the child to have photos of the other parent, involving the child in the dispute, or withholding the child, even to the point of breaching court orders. Such alienating behaviour can lead to a parental alienation dynamic.
In Droit de la famille — 2176, 2021 QCCS 223 (CanLII), the Superior Court clarifies the concept of alienating behaviour and identifies one parent as the allied or alienating parent and the other as the rejected parent:
In parental alienation, the parent who supports a child in rejecting the other parent reinforces the other parent’s perceived faults and shortcomings. This is the allied parent. The child comes to believe that the rejected parent is useless, dangerous or even abusive, and develops fear or anxiety toward that parent. This rejection is intensified by the approval of the alienating parent, who becomes more protective and anxious, fuelling a vicious circle of fear, avoidance and, ultimately, rejection. Moreover, the child is not encouraged to maintain a balanced relationship with the other parent or to resolve conflicts. On the contrary, the alienating parent downplays the importance of that relationship and gives the child the impression that there is no need to improve ties with the other parent.
Researchers from Université Laval’s Chaire de partenariat en prévention de la maltraitance (Partnership Research Chair in Child Maltreatment Prevention) have drawn up a list of behaviours that are indicators of parental alienation.
- Speaking against the other parent to the child or in front of the child;
- Limiting or interfering with contact between the other parent and the child;
- Limiting or interfering with phone or virtual contact between the other parent and the child;
- Limiting or interfering with symbolic contact between the other parent and the child (for example, throwing away gifts from the other parent, banning photos of the other parent, forbidding the child to bring items from the other parent’s home, etc.).
The following example could be described as alienating behaviour and could serve as a relevant fact in a parental alienation complaint.
Example: Olivier is ten years old. He sees his father every other weekend. When he comes back to his mother’s, he shows her a piece of clothing his father bought him. His mother, whose tastes differ from the father’s, tells him he can only wear it when he is with his father. She adds that his father has no taste.
Our family lawyers can help you assess and enforce your rights and remedies in parental alienation matters. Contact them now.
How do you prove parental alienation?
Depending on the analysis of your situation, it is often useful to call on an expert to look into the question of parental alienation. In fact, only an expert (a psychologist or social worker) can make a finding of parental alienation in a child. The professional meets with the family members and can also gather information from significant third parties in the lives of the child or the parents. This means that a parent is not able to prove parental alienation on their own based on what they have noticed in their child.
In this type of case, our lawyers can guide you based on your child’s behaviour and the other parent’s behaviour. Your file may require a psychosocial assessment to be complete for trial. To learn more, see the section “Getting a psychosocial assessment” in this article.
The case law holds that parental alienation is analyzed case by case, based on the specific circumstances of each file.
As mentioned above, your child may be exposed to alienating behaviour and/or be in a loyalty conflict without it amounting to a case of parental alienation. Parental alienation involves a high degree of severity, and cases are few.
The following eight criteria, among others, can guide the court in deciding whether there really is a parental alienation dynamic:
- A campaign of denigration by the child against the rejected parent;
- The child explains the rejection of the parent with reasons that do not hold up;
- A lack of ambivalence in the child;
- A lack of guilt in the child, who feels justified in disparaging the parent;
- The child’s hostility extends to the alienated parent’s family and friends;
- The child presents themselves as the alienating parent’s ally;
- The child repeats words used by the alienating parent;
- The child presents themselves as an independent thinker, free from any influence.
Reading these eight criteria, you will understand that parental alienation is not a trivial or common situation.
Getting a psychosocial assessment
As explained above, to determine whether there is parental alienation in a parent’s home, a psychosocial or psycho-legal assessment should be considered. An expert then analyzes the child’s social and family situation and the environment around the child.
A parent who wants a psychosocial or psycho-legal assessment must apply to the court. The other parent can consent to the assessment or oppose it. The court must be satisfied that the assessment is relevant to the case, even if both parents consent.
For the court to be convinced that an assessment is needed, the parent must show that there is doubt as to whether parental alienation is present.
When the court orders the assessment, it is done free of charge by the Superior Court’s Service d’expertise psychosociale (psychosocial assessment service). A social worker meets with the parents and the child to assess each parent’s home, their parenting abilities, their relationship with the child, their relationship with the other parent, etc. At the end of the report, recommendations are made about the child’s custody, namely whether it should be maintained or changed.
The assessment can also be done privately, in which case the parent who requests it must pay the fees.
With a private assessment, the parent involved in a parental alienation court case has a strategic advantage.
To learn more about psychosocial assessments, read our article on the subject by clicking here. Your lawyer can then file the assessment report in the court record and introduce it into evidence at trial, and also question the expert who wrote it. Our lawyers can make the necessary checks to ensure that the expert is able to testify properly.
The hearing before the court
Once the psychosocial assessment report is completed, it is filed in the court record.
However, the judge is not bound by the content of the report. At trial, based on the evidence presented before them, the judge may reach conclusions that differ from those in the report. In that case, the judge must explain the decision and set out why the conclusions of the psychosocial assessment report are being set aside.
The court’s decision
Every decision concerning a child must be made in the child’s best interests. Judges consider the child’s moral, intellectual, emotional and physical needs, as well as the child’s age, health, personality, family environment and the other aspects of the child’s situation.
When a judge concludes that a child is in a situation of parental alienation, the judge can make various orders.
The judge can make orders about communication between the parents. These orders aim to foster positive co-parenting and communication between the parents. They can also aim to stop inappropriate behaviour by the parents (alienating behaviour).
The judge can also issue an order warning the alienating parent, recommend psychosocial follow-up and even change the child’s custody. The presence of parental alienation, a loyalty conflict or alienating behaviour does not guarantee that custody will be changed or that the parent responsible for the alienation will no longer see their child. In fact, a change in custody mainly concerns cases of severe or extreme parental alienation, and only when all other measures have failed.
Sample orders – Here are examples of orders a judge can make:
“ORDERS the parties not to disparage each other and not to discuss this matter in the presence of X;
ORDERS the parties to present a positive and respectful image of the other parent in front of X and to encourage contact and ties with the other parent;
ORDERS the custodial parent to allow X and the other parent to communicate by phone at any time when the latter does not have custody. Communications must be reasonable in frequency and must not unduly encroach on the custodial parent’s time;
ORDERS the parties to contact each other first by text message or email and, when necessary, by phone. All communication between the parties must be calm and respectful and must deal only with the child. The party receiving a communication must respond diligently and as soon as possible.”
Contact our family lawyers
Alienating behaviour, a loyalty conflict or a situation of parental alienation can affect which custody arrangement should be preferred and which orders should be requested.
Some situations also justify a psychosocial assessment.
Do not hesitate to contact our family lawyers. We can help you with the following steps, among others:
- Analyzing your situation if you suspect alienating behaviour;
- Negotiating an amicable settlement to resolve the impasse, if the situation allows;
- Drafting your application to the court for a ruling on parental alienation;
- For a private assessment, choosing the right expert for your situation, meaning a credible, qualified, well-regarded professional who is used to testifying in court;
- Contesting a parental alienation application filed by your ex-spouse;
- Preparing your evidence for a court hearing:
- By selecting the documents and other evidence needed to convince the court of your position;
- By selecting the witnesses needed for your case and preparing them for the hearing.
- Representing you in court, at a parental alienation hearing, to convince the judge that your claims are well-founded.
Note: The information above is general in nature and does not constitute legal advice. For advice on your particular legal situation, feel free to contact one of our lawyers in Québec City or Lévis.
